Ah, yes, the greving process...First is denial, then comes saddness, then anger, possibly another step, and finally acceptance. I am in between the saddnesss and the anger phase. I get sadder at night, the morning is OK, like a new day has begun. I am very mad at being the excuse now and also very mad at missing the person I was in love with. Yes folks, I admit it. I love him, but I am not in love with him. That is so irnonic it's crazy. Never thought that could really happen. I was on love with the person that cared about me, that made time for me, that wanted a future with me. Not the person he's become- an arogant self-involved, can't see the forrest for the trees, put my probelms on you type of person. I was un-happy, and my friedns all knew it. I for some reason thought it was a phase that would pass. Like a rough patch. Um ,no. So, I now have to re-plan my entire life, and that's the hardest part. I do plan to make some BIG changes...and those who care will still be there for me no matter what.
Now, I am off to see Tricia for the first tims in a month. I miss her like crazy. I just hope that the two of us can be our own pillers of strength rather than upset each other. I need positive reinforcment here. Wish me luck.